The real Spiderman film
by Englishfooddoesn'tsuck
Summary: A really random story about Claude and his messed up family they won't be who you expect . I think the tating is correct but if it's not someone should tell me.


It was a slow day for Claude, as he had nothing to clean it the flat that he and Alois were currently renting. It was a small place on the third floor, with only one bedroom. So instead of sharing a room with Claude, Alois had decided to live under his butlers bed and call it his own house. though Claude thought this rather was rather silly, especially with his masters feet sticking out awkwardly from underneath, he didn't say anything to start an arguement. Having nothing better to do at the moment, Claude sat in an armchair and turned on the TV to watch Animal planet, his poodles favourite channel. Just as he and the dog were getting comfortable the door burst open and in walked a messily dressed red headed man. Before Claude even had the time to wonder who this imposter was the man suddenly screamed his name and told him the most absurd news that he had ever heard.  
"I'm Ron Weasley and you Claude Faustus are my son!" After a few seconds to recover from the shocking news, the butler merely told the stranger that they could not be related.  
"No that's not possible the french poodle over there my father, he has to be I found outside dressed so nicely!" Yelled Claude while violently pointing at the dog.  
"You can't reject me I'm Ron Weasley!"  
That was the last straw, Claude was not going to sit there and be yelled at by such a rude person. In a fit of sudden rage Claude grabbed his father poodle and beat Ron with it.  
"No I can't be defeated I'm a Weasley." Screamed the red head. Claude then shoved both of the bodies into the refrigerator.  
"Well now I don't have anything to do, oh I know I'll go visit my friends." Said Claude who had jumped back on the recliner, then proceeded to ride the chair to the hallway, down the stairwell, and then out the front door. On the highway Claude didn't encounter many other drivers except a large oddly coloured dinosaur walking down the centre of the street. Now Claude was going a surprising speed on the chair and for some reason he did not see the dinosaur blocking the path, but instead of just crashing into it he drove up the creatures back. Though there was no seen damage the creature was still very upset about the incident.  
"Why would you run into me, are you blind?! I'm going to sue you for damages. Do you at least have car insurance?" Asked the dinosaur.  
"No why would I have that, I'm driving a chair!" Stated Claude to the irritating lizard.  
"Nag nag nag nag bother nag nag nag." screamed the offending creature while Claude slowly drove away, leaving the dinosaur to rant about insurance alone.  
"Stupid dinosaur, I should get revenge. I'm going to learn magic so I can get rid of daft people that I run over. Luckily I know just the place to learn magic like that." Said the butler.  
So there Claude went, up to the a hidden cave conveniently located on the side of the road. When he walked in a booming voice asked him his business in the cave of The Great Cat Wizard.  
"Why are you here demon?"  
"Hello Cat Wizard will you teach me some magic so I can get rid of people?" Asked Claude While glaring at the giant cat the wizard rode on, He was The Cat Wizard after all. So Claude would just have to avoid the dreaded animal.

"Okay." The wizard responded happily. "But learning that type of magic might take a while." Warned the wizard.

So here claude's wizard training begins.

A week later in Claude's house, Ron Weasley climbs out of the fridge wearing the poodles bowtie and saying how delicious dog meat is.

"Wow dog meat is pretty tasty and now I look snazzy!" Said the now better dressed Weasley. Then Alois walked into the kitchen and asked Ron, who he thought was Claude, where he had been for the last week.

"Gosh Claude, where the hell have you been? I've called for you a million times, you must be really stupid! Why do you have red hair? You know nevermind, I don't really care, just get back to work." Said the small boy while walking out of the room and climbing back under the bed. So after that strange encounter Ron decided he should go look through his son's things to see what he'd been doing with his life.

"My son's clothes don't look very interesting." Said Ron while piling all of the clothing in the middle of the floor, then setting the heap on fire.

"Well while my sons gone I guess I'll just live his life for him,

isn't that right Al?" Ron asked the kid in the other "house".

"Sure Claude whatever just stop talking to yourself and do some work." agreed Alois who apparently hadn't noticed anything.

Now Back to Claude 23 years later.

"finally after all this time I can use magic." said Claude excitedly.

"Now go use your skills to get revenge on the dinosaur you ran over." Said the cat wizard.

"Okay, shove." Said Claude while he pushed over the cat the wizard had been riding on. He then proceeded to walk home.

"Hello home...Ron Weasley, but you're wearing a bowtie, so you must be my father." Realised claude.

"Yes Claude I am your father and you are my only son." Replied Ron. Then suddenly a window opened and the dinosaur stuck it's head in and yelled.

"You need car insurance!"

"This dinosaurs been following me around for years because it thinks I'm you, son. Explained Ron to Claude who had been staring at the window in hatred.

" Well daddy, since we're both wizards now let's go kill it with magic together." Said claude.

"Let's go kill everyone now! Weee!" Screamed Ron as he grabbed Claude and they flew away to kill everyone and dominate the world.


End file.
